Posted - November 12, 2021

Divorce Court

So… my husband is “on plan” (Heretofore known as “Hubs”) I say “on plan” because I caught him eating a hot dog at midnight last night. LOL

Now, if this was the only instance of off plan indulgence, I would chalk it up to a weak moment, it would be laughed about, and we would just move forward.  But it’s not. It’s probably the 1,000th time he has intentionally put something in his mouth that he KNOWS he is not supposed to.

When I started this plan and was about to place my first order, I asked him if he wanted to join me.  He not only said no, he said “HELL NO”.  And honestly, that was fine with me.  I explained to him that was ok but needed him to know that he was on his own.  I would no longer cook for him. I would grocery shop, but any and all cooking would be plan compliant and that if he wanted to supplement his meal then that would HIS responsibility.  He said ok, and I ordered my first box.

When the first box came, I started the very next day.  It didn’t matter that I had to fly to PA for 2 days on Day 2 of my journey.  I would bring my food and figure it out up there.  I was staying with my Stepmother, handling some things with regard to my Father’s estate.  Well, what I thought would be a 2-day trip turned into an 11-day trip. (If you know anything about PA laws with regard to estates and safe deposit boxes, you know why I was stuck… but it really isn’t important to the story.)

When I realized I would be up there far longer than anticipated, I called Hubs and said to overnight my food to me, that I didn’t care what it cost, but that he needed to give me 14 full days worth of food and it absolutely, positively, had to be there in 36 hours.  $175 later, it arrived. (I thought it was outrageously expensive, but I wasn’t going to complain.  My new mantra was “I’M WORTH IT!!”

So, I was in PA for my first week’s weigh in.  I couldn’t believe my stinkin’ eyes when I got on the scale – 12.4 pounds!  What a testament to how unhealthy my eating habits had been!!

I was so excited that I called Hubs and said, “I lost 12.4 pounds last week!!”

Instead of saying “congratulations” or “great job”, his response was “Wow, maybe I should go on this diet.” (Yes, the competitive urge is strong with this one….)

Now, I’m not complaining about his response, I am merely pointing out that a) his response was about HIM and b) it proves my point that competition is what drives him.

So, I said OK and put him in touch with my Coach when I got home.  Within a few days, he had ordered his first box and *I* was anxiously awaiting its arrival so he could begin. (Notice I said *I* was anxiously awaiting its arrival!)

Well, the box sat there for 3 weeks before I finally guilted him into starting.  What is the box here for if you’re not going to start? When are you going to start? What are you waiting for?

It’s important to note that the entire time I was nagging him, I was also scared as hell.

Scared that he was going to start this plan and blow me out of the water.  Scared that his weight loss would be far greater and far faster than mine and that this would negatively impact me.  Not because I don’t love him and don’t want him to be healthy…I was just scared of the effect it would have on me.  Would I get frustrated and want to quit? Would I get so jealous that I would throw in the towel and give up on myself?  I mean, it’s not like I’ve never given up on myself before–or repeatedly!!

But he finally had enough of my nagging. (After 20+ years he should be used to it, right?)

He started… except he was the least vested person on this plan I have ever seen.

And if I’m being honest, him being on plan made more work for me.  Now I had to figure out how much to cook so that we both had the correct amount of protein and greens.  Before, I just cooked, measured mine and left the rest for him.

Now, I had to calculate how much uncooked cod or shrimp would equal 14 ounces cooked and how much cooked broccoli would equal 468 grams. (on the plus side, we have since figured out that our dogs love cooked vegetables…)

But Hubs was on a roll…. for 1 day.  After Day 1, he stopped measuring his food – he was convinced he wasn’t getting enough food.  I just went with it.  I figured as long as he was eating the 6 times a day and his meal was simple protein and vegetables that it was better than nothing.

Until it wasn’t.

All he did was talk about food.  But worse, he would try to get me to eat with him.  When we talked about going away, his first question was always “Are you planning to stay on your diet?” When my response was yes, he would get annoyed.  As if somehow my commitment to myself was infringing on his enjoyment of vacation.  How did me making a commitment to myself and trying to get healthy impact HIM?  Easy… I was his main accomplice.  My bad choices made him feel better about HIS bad choices.  My commitment to myself and trying to get healthy made him insecure about his own choices.  I was unknowingly holding up a mirror to his own unhealthy habits.

There has been a gradual acceptance on his part of my new way of life.  He has come to both accept it and expect it.  He no longer asks me what my plan is for vacation.  He no longer asks me what my plan is when we go out to dinner.  He knows that my plan is to “stay on plan” and make healthy choices.

That is a huge step for him.  The next big hurdle for him is to make a similar commitment to himself that I made to myself. But no amount of nagging is going to speed that up.  So, in the short term, secret midnight hot dogs have become the norm.

Now if I could get him to stop stealing my favorite bars!

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